Astronomical Grief: Hydrogen - The Universal OG
Second in a Hexalogy
If you haven’t read the first piece in this hexalogy, I highly recommend reading (or re-reading if you fancy) it to orient yourself to the structure and intention of this series. I am not a formally trained scientist, but I do love all things cosmological and find deep joy writing on the edge of what is currently known and just beyond it - that place our imagination can take us that isn't too far down the street from reality. It's a space I've come to call speculative creative non-fiction. Welcome.
Atomic Number One
The hydrogens, it turns out, are primordial, having been formed just after the Big Bang. Pretty much no hydrogen has been made since. All the hydrogen atoms in the cosmos are about 13.8 billion years old. The ones in your hand’s water molecule are no exception. They drifted about the cosmos as individuals for at least 100 million years and probably much, much longer before they found themselves stuck to your oxygen.
Paul Wallace, Stars Beneath Us
Primordial in so many ways, the first element in the periodic table - hydrogen - has been around basically as long as the universe itself. In it's unevolved iteration, our current knowing says the hydrogen that meets us today has existed for billions of years.
I can't wrap my mind around that - can you?
Water is our original elder and the H of its molecule is the Hydro-Elder.
The first. Number one. Primordial. Not theoretically. We have and drink and interact with the universe's first element of being1.
No wonder it's number one.
No. Wonder.
I mean really wonder at the marvel of a hydrogen atom existing for over 13 billion years - and being right in front of you2.
I have to say that as I write this, I have a mental image of my friend
ending a phenomenal run. Tired, sweaty, satisfied, and thirsty, he grabs his water and chugs. I want him to pause - smile even - while he gulps, holding a nearly unfathomable truth: He is drinking in the literal beginnings of the universe.When you, friend, weep - whether at the overwhelming beauty or the maddening chaos in this world - or cry in concert with deep belly laughter or heartbreaking pain, the universe is with you.
It is more than with you; bits of the universe itself are quite literally spilling out of you, unable to be contained.
The beginnings of all that is mixes with emotion and imago dei, meeting you in your moments with the reminder that you are stardust...and hydrogen3.
Didn't someone somewhere say The Divine catches your tears? Finds them precious? Not simply as artifacts of emotional experience, but as a deeply beautiful part of the cosmic you?
You are a wonder.
May you know being Loved down to the very hydrogen that has made a home in you, that has become you. May you Love yourself this way first, always in all ways. For the beginnings of the universe are hemmed in to your body, tethering you to every body.
Our periodic table begins, we begin, life begins, water begins, a universe begins with the first, the primordial, the OG: Hydrogen.
Abundance
It was around 2019 when I first saw the above photo on Dr. Christena Cleveland's Instagram feed which left me slack-jawed. The artwork by Sergio Velasquez is breathtaking, a striking portrait of The Divine in mid-creation. The red-toned light and shade reminds me of artists' depiction of a baby, molten Earth that hasn't cooled yet, still being formed as a young planet.
When I read about how abundant hydrogen is in the universe4, it took me back to this painting. In the true spirit of both/and, I see this work of art as both The Divine and as Hydrogen. Remember that in this hexalogy, Hydrogen was before-the-beginning with Love and Grief. I see Hydrogen not making something separate from itself, but making something of itself. Imago Hydri5.
Imagine the stories we could co-create just from Velasquez's image. A story of the moment The Divine makes a universe. Or a story of The Divine making Hydrogen - all the Hydrogen that will ever be.
Or maybe a story of an open vessel, being formed around time and energy - around space itself - glowing with the promise of beginnings. So many beginnings. The moment before She closes the vessel, She checks to make sure all are present. Love. Energy. Hydrogen. Grief.
Everything we need to create existence is here.
And before it's all closed up, She says these words-of-life to Love: …
This ends the preview portion of this piece.
The Astronomical Grief Hexalogy will be published with a preview for free subscribers each month of the series on the new moon. A companion post that focuses on The Forces and our anchors will go live on the full moon each month of the series and be available to all subscribers. Audio Conversations with some of our favs - like , , , and (I could go on) - will be available to paid subscribers.
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